Recent Acquisitions, UPDATE!

I'm a collector now. At the moment, I'm reading Two-Boy Weekend.

UPDATE: Rachel's question prompted me to update this entry with a summary of lessons learned from Two-Boy Weekend, which, I guess is a pretty stupid play on "two day weekend" (this isn't even a cute phrase to pun, but more of just a simple fact that there are two days in a weekend?). In this story, Jessica Wakefield is so slutty that she can't even remain faithful to her boyfriend, A.J., for three fucking days while he visits his grandmother in Texas. While she sulks on the beach over her boyfriend's departure, a cute, mysterious surfer instantly falls in love with Jessica, and the two share a whirlwind weekend romance. Who wouldn't instantly fall for her, this is Jessica Wakefield, you guys, who is described at the beginning of every Sweet Valley High book as a beautiful California girl with "flashing blue-green eyes, sun-streaked blonde hair and a perfect size six figure." Oh, and she is also a complete manipulative BITCH to anyone who crosses her path. They forget to mention that. At the end of their blissful weekend together, Jessica tells her surfer fling, Christopher, that she can no longer see him, because she has a boyfriend. Christopher freaks out and starts to act pretty shady, but Jessica is too stupid to notice at this point. She pretty much forgets about the whole situation until Christopher starts stalking her later that week. Things turn scary, and Christopher's behavior becomes erratic. He even mistakingly stalks Elizabeth Wakefield (Jessica's identical twin), who has no idea what is going on. She's simply trying to carry on with her important charitable work, being the 'big-sister' to a poor little girl who LIVES IN AN APARTMENT! And comes from a single parent home! Doomed to be a tainted person in Sweet Valley. : (

Jessica can't tell anyone about what happened between her and Christopher (even after her life is threatened!), but not because, presumably, it would hurt A.J. and possibly ruin their relationship. Instead, Jessica selfishly worries about a major event on the horizon. You see, A.J. just won an essay competition in Sweet Valley, which for some reason means he is honored as the "King of Sweet Valley" in an upcoming ceremony (who knew they valued literature in Sweet Valley?). Jessica cannot wait to accept her well-deserved title as "Queen of Sweet Valley," merely because she is A.J.'s girlfriend. And if A.J. finds out about her infidelity and they break up.....no recognition for Jessica!

She manages to remain deceptive in the face of violence (Christopher is unstable!) until the night of the big ceremony. Christopher shows up to kidnap Jessica, but Elizabeth willingly goes away with him, fooling Christopher into thinking that she is Jessica, so that her twin can receive her award! Twin swapping, sigh, I'm pretty tired of this plot device. Also, why does everyone cater to Jessica's incredibly stupid desires and behavior? Elizabeth almost dies when Christopher kidnaps her (and is about to rape her?) before she is dramatically rescued after Jessica passively wonders if Liz is alright while dancing in her haute party dress under the hot lights of the country club event. This is not the first time that Elizabeth has been kidnapped, either. It's not that weird, because the Wakefields are at the center of the fucking universe.

Here is the real lesson. Lie. Just lie until it almost kills your sister, then, break up with your boyfriend to avoid having to come clean. In an incredibly selfish move, Jessica goes on stage with A.J. to accept their King and Queen titles, and then whispers to him (in front of everyone!) that she doesn't want to date him exclusively anymore. She gets to be the fucking Queen of Sweet Valley. A.J. even apologizes to Jessica for leaving town and for, well who knows what? Can you believe this shit? It's not even that she did something wrong, right? In fact, the real issue here is that some guys are crazy, as they discover about Christopher, apparently "he was a deeply troubled young man, undergoing therapy." Jessica probably didn't even think it was that weird for someone to stalk her--she seems to think that it's only natural that everyone pay her that much attention. Mazel tov, Jess. You are truly unbelievable.

On a side note: The book ends, as it always does, with a little transition to the next book in the series (which is almost completely unrelated to the previous books). Jessica makes fun of the SVH star female basketball player who suffers from the unfortunate deformity of being tall and thin, saying "as far as I know, she has never even had a date." What's your problem, Jessica, not everyone is such a slut like you. Besides, it sounds like this girl will become a model, after a makeover montage, because as we know, about 30% of the women in Sweet Valley are former models or currently being discovered as such. So much modeling going on in this small town. Oy vey.